


home again

by hoodswink (uraviety)



Category: 5 Seconds of Summer (Band)
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-04-17
Updated: 2018-04-17
Packaged: 2019-04-24 05:53:12
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,545
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14349291
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/uraviety/pseuds/hoodswink
Summary: "so you were thinking about me a lot in senior year, huh?""are you kidding me?" calum said. he hesitated, then with a smile, added, "you were all i thought about."





	home again

**Author's Note:**

> just a quick one-shot because i've been listening to 5sos again and feeling nostalgic about everything that once was. short, summery, and fluffy.

summer meant freedom. short-lived and sweltering, but freedom nonetheless. summer also meant a trip back home, to see mum and dad and everyone else back home for the holidays. summer, in other words, was an excuse to dip back into the life i once lived.

i was filled with uncertainty entering my childhood home: cream walls, the windows with a view to the front yard, the wooden floors, my desk. it was as i had left it; the only thing different was me.

i shuffled inside and set my luggage to one corner.

"maureen," i heard my mum call out from outside. "why don't you call up one of your old friends and invite them over? for old time's sake?"

that would be nice, i thought. but i wasn't sure who to call—that was the problem. i could call cindy, but would she answer? i pulled out my phone and stared at my old best friend's name. i blinked and hesitated. under her name was calum's, a classmate i got along with quite well before graduation. i remember seeing his post about being back home on facebook on the plane ride home.

i bit my lip. i pressed dial.

———

if you asked me why i invited him over for a swim in our backyard pool and some lemonade, i wouldn't have known what to say. he sounded like he wanted to ask me as much, and my mum gave me a weird stare when i told her who was coming, but it was better than nothing. i didn't have to face the uncertainty of my friendship with cindy, and my mum wouldn't have to find out her daughter had become a friendless loser in college.

i guided calum to the backyard, carrying a tray of drinks and snacks that he'd offered to help me with instead. "no, it's fine," i said.

he scratched the back of his head as i set the tray down on the table. i gestured for him to sit on the sunbed. i sat across him and we just looked at each other in silence.

he looked at me funny. "i still don't know why you asked me to come over."

i felt my skin prickle. i wanted to buckle and say, "yeah i know it's stupid, you can leave if you want," but instead i shrugged. in my most nonchalant voice, i said, "wrong dial. went along with it anyway."

he laughed. "right. of course." he lifted his legs, slipping off his flip-flops, and leaned back on the sunbed. "well, thanks anyway. i was getting bored at home."

"is that why you came?" i asked. he shrugged.

"i guess both of just don't have much to do."

"i guess so."

i bit my lip. he closed his eyes, his head resting on both hands behind his head. he let out a sigh.

"this is nice. thanks for having me over." he looked at me. "really. i've been wanting to swim but the public pool costs like, ten bucks an hour now."

i lifted my brows. "seriously?"

"yep," he said. "maintenance money or whatever."

i nodded. "makes sense." the conversation lulled again, and i couldn't help but wonder if i made a mistake asking him over. i felt an overwhelming urge to keep him entertained, but he seemed to enjoy just laying in silence with his eyes closed.

then he looked at me. "how have you been?" he asked. "i never thought i'd hear from you again."

"oh," i blurted. i wasn't sure why that surprised me. i wasn't miss congeniality in high school, and calum and i were never that close, but i liked to think of us as friends. i liked him briefly—maybe more than i'd like to admit—but it had always just been that: a high school crush.

that's what i told myself anyway. we spent a short time hanging out every day during and after our project was over, but one day we just... stopped. i wondered why for a few days, then chose promptly to forgot it. that's just how things worked, i figured. maybe he was busy with soccer. i watched all his games anyway.

"well, i've been fine," i said. "you?"

he gave me a look. "first year in college and fine is all you can say?"

my cheeks turned scarlet. "well, i'm sorry i'm not an exciting person, calum."

calum sat up. "don't lie to me, mau." my ears perked at the nickname. "i hardly believe a funny girl like you wouldn't have stories to tell. aren't you taking literature or something?"

a funny girl. the temperature seemed to get hotter and i felt myself sweat. "creative writing," i said. "it's not as fun as you think. it's no brazil soccer tournament or whatever you've been doing."

his face broke out into a grin. "have you been stalking me?"

no, i wanted to say. instead i took my glass of lemonade and sipped. the cold condensation on the glass was a welcome relief to my sweaty palms.

calum reached a hand out and i handed him his drink. he let out a pleased sigh and said, "okay, that was good."

"refreshing, isn't it?" i smiled. inside, it irked me that i could sense this sort of wall between us, a barrier if you will. we danced around small talk, and my brain fast-forwarded to him leaving mid-day and both of us forgetting this boring day ever happened, except for when he'd see my posts online and remember that time i bored him to death at home.

calum reached over his head and took off his shirt. he revealed his tan, toned chest, and i looked away, coughing as i put my drink aside. "i'm gonna go jump in if you don't mind," he said.

"oh," i said, "yeah, yeah go ahead." i squinted at the water, refusing to look at him. he stood for a while, and i could feel his gaze on me, so i took a sip of my drink again. i heard him chuckle before he stepped towards the water and dove in, splashing my legs with cold water.

i squeaked as he resurfaced, pushing his dark wet hair backwards. "ahh, the water is so cold," he said, beaming. "you gotta get in here. it feels nice."

i blushed—again—at the memory of my reflection in the mirror earlier: a flat-chest and bell-bottom hips in a bikini i haven't worn since i was 16. i coughed. "i'm fine," i said. god, why did i invite him over?

he gave me a look. "you did not invite me so i could swim alone."

"you don't know that," i snapped.

calum blinked at me. then, using his hands, pushed hard into the water, splashing me up to my shorts and slightly on my chest. i squealed.

"calum!"

he laughed. "get in here!"

"no!"

he splashed me again. expecting it this time around, i dodged.

"don't be a loser, maureen," he said. i glared at him. i wasn't sure what it was about that that ticked me off, but it was enough to tip me over the edge.

"fine," i said. getting up to my feet, i pulled my shirt over my head and shimmied out of my shorts. i was too ticked to call calum out for staring.

"make way," i said, before jumping into the pool. like he said, the water was cool and crisp, almost, from how refreshing it was. i felt all the heat leave my body, and i resurfaced, gasping for air.

calum was grinning at me.

"don't call me a loser," i said, then submerged myself again in the water to swim over to the edge.

calum followed me. "i'm sorry," he said. i tried not to scowl. the playful expression on his face faded into that of concern. using my palms, i pushed the water and splashed him hard in the face.

he gasped. "oi!"

i laughed, feeling my initial worries and tensions subside. calum shook his head.

"fine, i deseved that."

i splashed him again.

"okay, you know what?" he made a move for me, and i shrieked, swimming away from him as fast as i could. he chased me, and given our height difference, he quickly advanced, placing a hand on my hip and then two. the electrical shock i felt from his touch was enough to disarm me, and it left me vulnerable for attack. calum dragged me under the water, gasping, squirming from his grip before he let me resurface and splashed me the face.

i laughed harder than i had in months. if you asked me if i saw myself having this much fun back home—with calum hood, nonetheless—i wouldn't have believed you. this—this felt like it was almost a thing of the past. why it was back here now, i wasn't sure.

our laughter subsided. we were left floating, bobbing in the pool, our heads above the water. calum was quiet, just looking at me with the vaguest of smiles. he looked the same, only slightly older—maybe even wiser. as handsome as i remember, and the thought made me blush. i looked away and—for god knows what reason—lowered my head slightly into the water and began to blow bubbles.

calum erupted into giggles again. "what?"

i blew the bubbles harder. because i was stupid? an idiot? other synonyms of the word? god knows.

calum laughed. i began to laugh, felt water fill my mouth, and tried to discreetly spit it out without him noticing. he, of course, noticed, and laughed harder.

the tips of my ears turned pink.

"it really is nice to see you again, maureen," calum said. i pushed the water near me away.

"i'm sorry," i said, cringing. "i'm so gross."

he shook his head. "no, it's fine, you're—you're—"

he seemed to hesitate, so eager to fill in the silence, i asked, "watermelon?"

"what?"

i internally slapped my forehead. "i mean, do you want some watermelon?"

"oh." he laughed again. "yeah. sure."

it dawned on me that i'd have to get up, revealing my bikini, and now that i wasn't feeling vengeful for being called a loser, the idea didn't seem as appetizing. "uh."

"i'll close my eyes," he said, having seemed to get the idea.

"great, thanks," i said. i blushed again anyway, cursing myself silently for it and racking my brain for excuses should he confront me for my perpetual tomato face. i retrieved us two triangular slices of watermelon, waded into the water, and called him over as i sat on the steps, only my hands and shoulders up on the surface.

calum swam over. "thanks." he took the watermelon and bit into it. he sat next to me, and the proximity allowed me to feel the heat emanating from his body. i sank deeper into the water to cool myself and tilted my head back to look at the sky.

"do i have something on my face?" calum asked. i sat up and looked at him. terrible mistake. he looked so handsome i almost dropped my watermelon. why i was acting that way, i wasn't sure. hormones, probably.

"what? no," i managed. i looked away again and hurriedly ate my watermelon slice before i could drop it.

"then why won't you look at me?" he asked. in a tone of mock hurt, he added, "am i ugly?"

i laughed nervously.

"seriously."

"the ugliest," i croaked. calum groaned and placed a hand to his chest.

"oh, how you wound me."

———

my mum brought out sandwiches right before the pads of our fingers and toes began to prune. she came with a tray to match the one i brought, and a towel draped on each arm. "are you guys hungry?" she asked.

"oh, we had watermelons," i said. she set the tray down and waved us off.

"i'll be making dinner soon," she said. "calum, you're welcome to join us."

i looked at him.

"oh, no, i don't want to intrude," he said.

"oh, please, it's fine," my mum said. calum looked at me. i nodded.

"well, okay," he said, "if you insist."

my mum smiled victoriously. "alright, i'll set out an extra plate." she took our empty glasses and the trays. "i'll refill these and bring them back."

"thanks mum," i said. when she disappeared back into the house, calum looked at me.

"she's nice."

"oh yeah," i said. "for sure."

mum returned with our drinks and gave us smiles before leaving.

calum waded over to the steps again and got up from the water. he took the triangular slice of sandwich and bit into it. water dripped from his shorts.

well, no other way to it, i thought. resurfacing from the water, i joined him and got a sandwich. when he saw me, he choked mid-chew and began to cough. he slapped his chest as my eyes widened.

"are you okay?"

calum downed his drink and nodded. when he'd regained his breath, he said, "yeah, just—"

self-consciously, i retrieved the towel and wrapped it around myself. this time, i noticed he couldn't look at me. i moved the towel to my shoulders and sat by the edge of the pool, dipping my feet in.

it was like every time we moved past the small talk stage, something weird would happen and we'd be all awkward again.

calum quietly sat next to me, chewing a new slice.

"so, how's college?" i asked. "you got a scholarship, right?"

he nodded. "sports scholarship, yeah," he said. "it's okay. tiring."

"what are you taking again?"

"psych," he said.

"ah." i paused. "so, psychologize me."

he chuckled. "it doesn't work that way."

"no?"

"no, unfortunately," he said, "but when i get better at it maybe then."

i pursed my lips and nodded. "alright, noted." i racked my head for something else to say. "are you still in that band?"

"oh," a smile spread through his cheeks. "sort of, yeah. we're having a small reunion show this weekend if you wanna come."

"oh? yeah, okay, that sounds cool."

"cool."

———

dinner flew by, with my father grilling calum and me glaring at him to let him know it wasn't like that. soonafter we retreated back to the backyard, where we lay out our towels and lay by the pool, staring at the sky.

"so," calum said. "how have you really been, maureen? i've been trying this whole time to figure out what i'm doing here but so far"—he shrugged—"i got nothing."

"nothing?" i don't know why, but i started to smile.

"nada. zilch. zero. you're still a mystery to me."

i tilted my head to look at him. he was already looking at me. "still?"

"oh yeah," he said, nodding. "i spent all of senior year trying to figure you out. what you liked. who you were. i could never get past the surface. it drove me nuts."

i felt my cheeks heat up. my stomach dropped, but i felt more sad than excited. senior year—it felt like a lifetime ago. i remember wishing calum would just hold my hand, touch my face, kiss me—anything so we could move past that purgatory stage between friendship and more, but nothing came out of it and i figured i got it all wrong. we were just friends.

"so you were thinking about me a lot in senior year, huh," i managed instead. i turned back to the sky and bit my lip. i could feel the thoughts coming: the what if's, the nostalgia, the could have been's. i couldn't look at him. the feelings were back again, but i hadn't known them the first time so i pushed them away. i guess the second time around came with familiarity, like when i first saw him earlier today and it felt like i'd been dipped in cold water while boiling hot water was poured on me.

"are you kidding me?" calum said. he hesitated, then with a smile, added, "you were all i thought about."

i looked at him. the smile on his face faded into a more solemn, pensive look. if we were in high school again, i would have wanted to kiss him. now it just felt like the moment had been years past and i wanted it back while knowing i never could have it. it wasn't mine. it wasn't meant to be.

was it?

but i was never going to be seventeen again, or sixteen, or fifteen, falling in love for the first time or discovering the music i loved for the first time or driving home from the mall with cindy and talking about bands and boys and boy bands and art. i was never going to be that person again.

i sighed. "is it all you thought it would be?" i asked.

"which?"

"college. life. i dunno, everything?"

calum shrugged. "i tried not to expect anything, but no, i guess."

i looked at him. "don't you miss high school? like, english with mr. jenkins, lab with ms. hyland, the food in the cafeteria, the bus rides home. i know it sounds stupid to be nostalgic about those things but i just—i guess being with you again just reminded me of them. i hadn't thought about it in a while. i was in a hurry to grow up."

calum was quiet.

i looked back at the sky, watched as a plane flew by, dividing the sky in a streak of white. "is it what you thought it would be?"

i felt calum shake his head from the way the towel shifted under me. i looked at him.

"are you disappointed?"

"i could be," he said. "but then i wouldn't be here now."

"what do you mean?"

calum looked away from me and raised his hands into the air. "the way i see it is it could go two ways: i could spend my life wishing for what once was to come back, or i could accept what had come to pass and instead make the most of what is and what will be."

i furrowed my eyebrows. "what do you mean?"

calum sighed. "do you remember the last time i saw you?"

"yeah?"

"in the hallway, after graduation. you were wearing that baby pink dress you tie on the side, the little ribbon and shit—god it was adorable." i felt my cheeks blush from the memory; how could he still even remember that?

"i remember thinking, okay buddy, it's now or never. tell her now or forever hold your peace. and you come to say goodbye and you looked so beautiful i just—i lost it. i didn't have the words, and i let you go, and it was only after that i realized i didn't need words. i should've just—"

calum held his breath. he wasn't looking at me, he was looking elsewhere. my hair, my cheek, my lips. my heart soared. i wanted to kiss him. i wanted to hold him close and feel him close. the moment had passed, but it came back. it's back and it's here now and it was begging me, make me yours. make me yours.

i wanted, so desperately, to do what he had said: to make the most of what is and what will be.

"calum," i murmured. he leaned forward, and i closed my eyes. his lips were soft, gentle. they tasted sweet, like the watermelons we had for dessert. i pulled him closer and let him hold my hips. he exhaled into me, said, "i'm sorry it took so long," then kissed me harder, needier, hungrier.

we pulled apart at the sound of the back door opening. we straightened up and exchanged nervous glances.

"maureen," my mum's voice came. "are you two okay?"

"yes, mum," i called back. "just stargazing." calum pursed his lips and stared up at the sky, his elbow on his knee, his entire weight leaning on his palm propped up on the towel.

"alright. call if you need anything," mum said.

"okay!"

i heard the door close and let out a breath. calum grinned and kissed me again.

he pecked my lips again and again and rubbed his nose against mine. "are you grateful i called?" i asked.

calum smiled into the kiss. "i nearly dropped my phone."

"have you always felt this way?"

he nodded, eyes half-lidded as his arm snaked its way around my waist and his palm settled on the small of my back, pulling me close. i felt lightheaded and excited, my arms wrapping around his neck and my whole body leaning into the kiss.

"be with me," he murmured.

"yes," i breathed. "okay."

just then, i heard my dad cough behind us. we pulled away and—in the dark—i felt my cheeks burn like the hot summer sun.

"i'll see you tomorrow?" i said to calum. he nodded.

"we'll figure this out."

cringing, i followed my dad inside the house and creeped up the stairs as he walked calum out. that night, i lay in bed, smiling wider than i ever had in a long time, feeling like things were falling into place, like i was again myself at last.


End file.
